sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
