Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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