So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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