I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i think im in europe. pls send help
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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