no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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