Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
