You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
