Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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