I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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