my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
