Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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