Yo dont text me then not text me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
