I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
