Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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