so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just gift wrapped bread.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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