honey bunches of taint.
He passed out mid-signature
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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