I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
