I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
