now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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