He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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