somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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