hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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