I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
