Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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