I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
