god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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