3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
