we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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