Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This is classic penis vs brain.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
