i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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