apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
