so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
