I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like abortions should bother me more
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
