Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
