Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
