why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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