I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
