Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
