Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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