he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
