i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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