I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
