i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
