and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
