wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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