Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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