I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
