it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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