This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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