In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
