Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
